Here’s how we think some of your fav billionaires would design the rest of the campus to match Charlie Munger’s hellish dorm.
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Charlie Munger, the 97-year-old billionaire and Berkshire Hathaway vice chairman, donated $200 million to the University of California, Santa Barbara, for a new dorm. But just like that surprise $300 Venmo with “feet pics” in the comment, it comes with a lot of catches.
Munger, who has no architectural training, said his dorm, Munger Hall, must follow his blueprint which includes housing 4,500 students—94% of whom wouldn’t have windows—with only two exits for the entire building. Proving that if you’re a billionaire, anything can be your hobby.
Here’s how we think some of your fav billionaires would design the rest of the campus to match Munger’s dorm.
Warren Buffett Dining Hall
Yes, architects begged him to name it the “The Buffett buffet,” but just like his pal Munger, he didn’t listen. This dining hall will only serve the McDonald’s Buffett meal and frozen Omaha Steaks.
You’ll be required to read the complete collection of his annual shareholder letters while the steaks thaw in your bare hands.
Elon Musk Research Lab
Full of state-of-the-art equipment that no one asked for. This lab has one goal: Solve a global problem in a really sexy, roundabout way.
Zuckerberg Fraternity Row
Commemorating some of his fondest college memories, Mark Zuckerberg’s frat row will be a testament to the kindness, generosity, and grace that he is remembered for in his college years at Harvard. But at the first sign of trouble, the buildings will be bulldozed and turned into a Beat Saber lounge.
Rihanna Performing Arts Center
No one’s been in there since 2017, so you’ll have the whole place to yourself.
Anonymous Shiba Inu Investor Pourhouse
This place opens and shuts down with no notice and it’s pretty hit or miss if you’re going to have a good time there. Nobody checks IDs, the floor is covered in beer, and on Wednesdays there’s a great Red Bull-Long Island/stale churro special for $4. If you own dogecoin, expect spit in your drink.
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The only building on campus with a paywall. And to make matters worse, the vending machines only have 3 oz. sodas in them. The department does have a tradition of hosting elections every year where the person with the least number of votes gets to be the following year’s Mr. News.
Kim Kardashian Student Union
Pete Davidson has started lingering there.
Jack Dorsey Lawn
The most zen area on campus. But you have to get there by 5am to snag a spot and they haven’t mowed the grass in years.
Whitney Wolf Herd Agricultural Center
The only place where women get first dibs on seats, but it’s also full of Bumble bees.
Oprah Winfrey Library
No key card needed to enter the building—just whisper your daily affirmations of “I am worthy of love” at the doors and they’ll open. A shocking amount of copies of American Dirt are still in there, though.
Bezos Residence Hall
The former Amazon CEO will offer high ceilings, minimal privacy, and homework quotas for everyone living in the most efficient dorm on campus. The goal of this dorm is to provide shelter to as many students as possible whether they feel comfortable there or not. Amenities include:
- Your very own cowboy space suit
- A research lab that isn’t quite as good as the Musk Research Lab
- A total ban on Bo Burnham
- Education credit